Kitchen Part 1

I may have bitten off more then I can chew. It seemed simple enough, "re-do" the kitchen.  Just buy some Ikea cabinets, a sink and a counter top and voila! I think It was when all the walls were torn down that I knew this was a MAJOR remodel. 

This is when it started to hit the fan...

Getting better...

The cat, always in the way. But he's right it is a nicer back door.

We really had only intended to replace cabinets and fixtures, appliances etc....but now we have replaced walls, and a door in addition and are currently debating our floor issue ( the floor may be the most un-pleasant part of all). An added bonus, we are doing this work our selves, new home owners and not familiar with renovation, luckily we have a very kind brother law that is and he has spent the better part of some weekends cutting drywall and hanging cabinets with us. Right now, as I sit and stare at this..... 

(this is currently what my kitchen looks like.)

at least I have my new appliances (even if the electric is cut to the kitchen.)

I just want running water, a working stove, and oh yeah a countertop. I am just on verge of an all out nervous breakdown. The contents of my Kitchen are strewn about the house, the house is a mess, and everyone is going crazy. I am desperate, is it ever going to end? ( I am positive not by the start of our February break..ugh.)

This probably hurts more then helps, but kitchens I love...you must visit here, I love it! (also covet her pyrex.)  And just one more before I really get hopeless...

Suzanna Bierwirth's kitchen via martha stewart

A Little Merry in your Christmas

Christmas is at the front door, friends are home, family is around. Hopefully you are fortunate enough to not have pneumonia (our entire house, plus our cousins as well all have some variation of it.  We are referring to it as the gift that keeps on giving.) and you are happy and healthy.  During this festive time of holiday stress and mad dash shopping, I hope you and yours can come together for hardy laughs and a little cheer.  I personally have tried to take a little time out this year from all the yelling and screaming and threatening no Christmas for my kids to add some sweetness in the form of home made gingerbread play dough. Fantastic!

It was a good idea, for a short time we really enjoyed each other. Is that what Christmas is about? In case you need the same dose of cheer...it's brilliant!

Mommy Dearest, extreme tantrums, and complete brakedowns

My son is an extreme toddler, not the living life on the edge, getting into everything, live for the moment type. The hour or more meltdown, the out of control scary, screaming, breaking toys, laughing and biting type of extreme toddler with PDD-NOS. I am easily overwhelmed.  I often feel beaten by his extremes and frustrated. I am tonight, like most nights, at the end of my little rope. Partly because I have been at this so long with so little progress or insight on how to change things, so I am tired. And, Partly because I feel all alone. Not from family and loved ones, even though there is a disconnect there sometimes ( I wouldn't get it if I didn't live with either.) but from anyone that is qualified to help us. When my son was (finally) diagnosed, the first thought that went thru my mind was "now we can get help, you can help us!" .  I was optimistic, now we can get a handle on this and make it better. But as time has gone by, and we have started school and PPT meetings, I am finding out that I am alone. It takes monumental effort just to get a foot in the door, then you need to prove you qualify. And sense my son is only PDD-NOS, he is mild and extremely high functioning when you look at him right. So we never qualify, we are pushed back to square one, move back two spaces.  

As I said, I am tired, I will admit this to anyone that asks, I need help. So help me. I don't know what to do anymore about his extreme behavior. I dread public places, and more recently, even family get togethers. He knows every button to push and I turn into Joan Crawford from Mommy Dearest, crazy, screaming, insane (Just sans the heavy drinking). I through my own massive tantrum and melt down, it's totally inappropriate, it's childish, but its what I have resorted to.  I know of all the "techniques" I have spent way too much on any type of "behavior" parenting book. These things make sense to me, but I can not get them to work. Like I said, I need help.

And now, my son has fallen asleep tonight after crying for about an hour. He went completely nuts (a nightly occurrence) and had to be dragged out of my sisters house (laughing) after throwing his cousins toys (and various other incidences). Not one peep the entire car ride home, but as soon as I carried him the house, put his PJs on, brushed his teeth, and carried him upstairs, he broke down....because he didn't get his chocolate milk. (not too mommy dearest, but like I said...)

PDD-NOS

Sullivan will be 4 years old this November. This past August he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. This was not shocking for my family and myself, we have been labeled as "at risk" for sometime by various agencies, but this is the first time anyone has said, "yes, you have a problem".  In few short months, I have learned a lot about PDD-NOS and have also learned that many other people do not know what PDD-NOS is or have never heard of it. In short, it is a form of Autism, more accurately, an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Basically, to be diagnosed with PDD-NOS, you have some components of autism, but not enough to fit neatly into the category so you end up here. This makes sense to me, we have massive tantrums, we are obsessive, we are unable to play with others...the list goes on but you get the gist.
My real issue lies not with the diagnosis, but with the lack of support from the medical community. My family and friends supported us thru everything, being asked to leave our "typical program" preschool, our out bursts and breakdowns, they stuck with us thru all of that. They also were right beside us when one of the leading medical institutions (which I will not name) treated my son, myself and my husband like a bother that would not go away. I believe their exact words when I asked for testing was "I can tell you wont be happy unless we do this so lets just do this". In the end their report revealed (surprisingly) that my son was accustomed to throwing tantrums and getting what he wanted and that my husband and I needed to take parenting courses. Another example, my sons pediatrician, who I love, said to me when I raised my concerns, that "he makes eye contact and I am sure he draw a circle, he is just shy). This list of dead ends goes on and on, but on the other end, from people who have spent time with him, the list of those people goes on and on. The reviews from his previous preschool, the results of behavior analysis, the sensory OT, the public preschool, my friends and family, and my self, all of these people kept me pushing. I realized, I could keep going and find someone to help us, or I could give up and accept that this was it. So I had him evaluated again, by a neurologist, and here we are today.
The point I am trying make with this jumbled, poorly organized thought, is that I knew something was different. I saw it everyday. I felt it at parties, out at stores, at bath time. And had I stopped when strangers that only knew my son for hours, not even enough to equal a day, told me to stop, my son would be lost. We would have none of the opportunity we have now, this proverbial door that opens to you when you have a medical diagnosis is amazing. We now have at our fingertips the names of multiple supports with in the ASD community.  The lesson I take away from this journey, is that is not easy, they do not make it easy for you. Even with all of the "Early Intervention" promotion, I had to struggle and doubt myself daily. You know when something is wrong, no one "wants" to have to prove something is wrong, but you may have to.
Why all the Spidermen you ask, it's Sullivan's thing;)

Did I mention, I'm in love?

I am in LOVE with Fink. Maybe I am the last to know or hear fink, but I am utterly and undeniably infatuated with him. Currently, "Honesty" is my song of choice next to "save it for somebody else". His voice is unexpected, lingering, soulful, and slow moving but dramatic. If you, like me, had not heard before now (and are a fan of somewhat slow, depressing, and acoustic guitar .) then please listen...".honesty "(there is explicit language used.)

In the summertime when the weather is hot.

Summertime, picnic in the backyard.  It was blue skies and white fluffy clouds. One of my favs....

Watermelon with salt, also the pips favorite I learned today.

Cleaning House

Every once and a while I get the energy and motivation to follow thru with something. Last week was the kids toys, today was all of my fabric and crafting supplies.  I learned I have a lot of fabric! Some I have not seen in years (what was I thinking!!) and other I have never seen (did I buy that?). It felt so good to purge the old and no longer needed tiny, tiny, scrapes of fabric and knotted pile of thread. And it reminded me, I have not made something out of this fabric, or with this glue, or with these buttons in a very, very long time. I miss it.

Dinner tonight...

Perfect for a hot summer day, consisting of whatever fresh summer goodies I have on hand tossed with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper, served over whole wheat couscous.